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There's a rat out there and Johnny Damon doesn't like it. Damon is reportedly upset that drug test results of cheaters Barry Bonds and Jason Giambi were released to the press. Sound fishy?
The New York Times reported today about questions Damon was asked in relation to the Giambi drug test revelations. “I’m upset with the fact of how we found out about Barry Bonds’s positive test a few months ago and now Jason’s,” the Yankee centerfielder said. “It doesn’t seem like the guidelines of the drug testing is being done correctly when anybody can go around leaking something, if it’s true or not, and we’re not supposed to know until they get in trouble a second time.” Yes, Johnny, we totally agree. It's only natural that drug cheats should be given repeat chances to conceal the evidence of their bad behavior. Huh? Why should he care that drug cheats get ratted out? What's Johnny got to hide? He's obviously clean as a whistle! Why should he care that well-known abusers are named and shamed? Well, SluggerWily.com is here to break the news that an independent lab will be conducting a substance screening on his shaved locks.  Just to remind our readers of a bit of history: in December of 2005, disloyal Damon ditched his devoted Boston fans dance with the devil in New York. The Empire has strict rules about hairstyles and was forced by court order to comply with the Yankee Code 665b.11 Paragraph 44D. In compliance with said code, he was remanded to Salon Ishi on Manhattan’s East Side (get your hair straightened for only $700!) to be seen to by stylist to the stars Chantal Gouy. Gouy had instructions to entirely, completely and utterly destroy all residue from formerly-beloved-by-Boston Damon's shorn head and face.
However, Red Sox Nation extends even further than the Evil Empire can fathom and samples were obtained for possible scientific analysis. SluggerWily.com can now report that testing will be performed on these samples to determine if they are viable for analysis. Dr Edwin Azmuench , a world-renowned export on hair trimmings (among other things) is reported to be hot on the case. Appearantly, he's conducting a high-priority analysis on the "habits" of a certain Yankee 3rd baseboy at present but Johnny's case is up for consideration next! |
